So instead of listing the countless things I should be fixing in my own life this year, I’d like to bring to your attention a few suggestions for improving the lives of everyone living in this fantastic little place we call home.
Resolution #1: Erect a giant wall around town to keep those pesky cougars out.
It was the summer of 2013 when cougar sightings began popping up all over town. Then suddenly the feline seemed to have moved on. But apparently the cat, or one of his/her relatives, came back. Well, enough is enough. It’s time we got proactive. Let’s build a wall 12 feet tall around the perimeter of town. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, this would be visually unappealing – if it weren’t made of glass! Six-inch thick glass to be exact. Simple and effective to keep residents and their beloved pets safe.
Resolution #2: Petition SaskTel to get a new area code for Fox Valley.
Seriously. Who was the genius that thought 666 would make a good phone number!? When I got my first cell phone five years ago, I begged the salesman to give me a different number, but he told me the demonic-looking one was my only option. Since then, I’m almost 100 per cent certain the awful area code is to blame for seemingly nice guys never calling me when they get my digits. (It’s hard enough being a “soul-stealing ginger,” but then to slap me with the devil’s number? That’s a lot to handle). Please, please, please, Fox Valley, if only for the sake of the dating future of your young people, let’s get a new number!
Resolution #3: Get rid of those irritating parking lines.
A good part of why I love small towns is because nobody cares if you park like a moron. In fact, they’re almost counting on it. Only after a great deal of praying was I able to nail my parallel parking on my driving test. Since then, I’ve done everything I can to avoid it. Enter the dreaded yellow lines to make me look like the stereotypical “woman driver,” trying to maneuver into one of the little spaces three times before giving up and finding the nearest parking lot. Parking stalls: 1. Marcia: 0.
Resolution #4: Encourage the townspeople to travel by dogsled in wintertime.
Think about it. We all know how treacherous our streets get after a good snowstorm or, better yet, the melt-freeze effect; how it’s almost impossible to navigate the ruts in the snow unless you’re driving a 4×4 with a six-inch lift kit, and stopping at an intersection is iffy at best. Why not introduce different methods of getting around? Dogsleds, snowmobiles, rocket-powered skis. Let’s get creative. SGI could even offer reduced rates for those who use alternative modes of transportation from November to April. It would likely lower the number of insurance claims due to the weather or those that find it difficult to master the art of winter driving.
Resolution #5: Convert Cypress Lodge into an entertainment centre.
I’m talking roller derby, movie theatre, bowling alley, glow-in-the-dark mini golf – with that square footage, the possibilities are endless! Why are there not dozens of people jumping forward with a proposal in hand? We could even start up rumours that the place is haunted to spike interest and reel in even more tourists and ghost hunters.
But seriously, if there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that a lot can change in only a year. This time last year, I never would have thought I’d be where I am now, and I’m sure all of you can say the same. Life can throw some interesting curve balls our way, that’s for sure. But it’s not necessarily always a bad thing.
I don’t know what kind of curve balls are in store for me this year, but I’m excited to find out and can only hope I’m ready for them.
Happy New Year, everyone!